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SEPTEMBER 2008

Sept. 30

So much and so little, meaning the world, stock markets, the Balloon Fiesta (what's that?), our little dog Gina in the hospital again, the New Mexico Lottery and most important our up-coming YARD SALE.

Now...to expand in a small way.

1. The world: no matter how bad one has it, watch world news for a few minutes. In America it is not so bad. For instance Haiti, India, Bull fights in South America, etc. etc...

2. Stock Market: Unlike me, Ruth actually has money in the bank, so yes, she is worried. As for me, I have this kind of perverted sense of excitement that the REVOLUTION or APOCALYPSE has finally arrived and it is almost a relief. At last my fellow Americans may come out of their coma and become humane and compassionate, but being the eternal skeptic I am, I doubt even if the eternal shit hits the eternal fan, as always it will only be the poorest of the poor who suffer. I agree with John Daley of THE DAILY SHOW, if only dog-shit was money and park benches were mansions...

3. Balloon Fiesta: Ruth has spent a small fortune in anticipation of the annual rich peoples ball i.e. Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta, and with the economic crunch going on, she is wondering will those people still buy the babbles they have in the past---the reality, they can't live without their floating fantasies but can go without  the doo-dads...

4. Gina: has become almost an expensive mongrel, with her last visit to the vet bringing her price tag to over $400 and this morning she is in the clinic again with maybe something stuck in her throat...well she still is a wonderful little dog, even if she is making up for the non-expense of all the other dogs I have ever had...

 5.  New Mexico Powerball Lottery: Someone in NM has won 207 million dollars, but the winner has not yet come forward. Ruth is hoping her lottery pool of 20 people is the winner....yep we could use a few million, but hey, then we would feel guilty about blowing all that dough on doo-dads. Fuck poor people, or the old one-two, let them eat cake...

6. Yard Sale: Now this is the real economic possibility...at last I have cleared the studio and back yard of the pile of doo-dads that are no longer fashionable i.e. junk, and almost all of it will be on the $1 table...hmmm lets see, with that in mind if it all sells we could be rich. But once again, I am not holding my breath---several visits to the dump, cause it is not going back into storage.

Sept. 26

Winter, uh huh, it is not that far away. Yesterday was my opening act for winter ice, covering the water lines into Ruth's shops.

It took most of one day to build a small house around the pipes and insulate them....Yep, more country living. Aren't you jealous?

Not the highlight of a long career of wood-butchery, but hopefully it will work.

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1. The naked pipe. 2. Pipe housed.

Sept. 24

Last night was first time it has got cool, uh, actually cold, but no frost. So it would appear Fall has come.

And with this weather I am reminded I better start preparing our life for winter, meaning going down to river collecting firewood, and puttering around the house and Ruth's shops to winterize what ever is going to freeze up. All of this is a yearly event and once in a while I think  about how easy people have it living in the city. Well...that is relative, but country life does take extra time.

The trade off is we don't have to put up with other people who live in the city.

It is very quiet here at night except for the coyotes who nightly wake all the dogs and a cacophony of canine blues would wake the dead. Very quiet except for 3:30 AM when our rooster Smokey decides it is time to announce his vocal verbosity again.

Very quiet except for the puppy wanting to go pee for the 4th time.

Very quiet except the pack-rat who is trying to bore a hole through the ceiling of our bedroom.

But other than that, it is very peaceful.

Sept. 23

I know I'm getting old when all I can think of to put on this BLOG are pictures of cats...but hey, they are cute.

Sept. 21

Kind of a slow morning after a fine evening...if unusual to some degree, being I had diner with my ex-wife Chrissie, her boy friend and my daughter Rowan and her soul mate.

We ate at Pranzo's in Santa Fe. Delicious food but by the time I got home I felt like I could do an add for ZANTEC.

September 20, 2008

Hey it's my birthday Happy birthday me.

So I had a very good surprise for my B D. I went to  the Mineshaft Tavern last night---no that is no surprise--but in came a couple of young goys playing and singing. And damn, I say  Damn, they were not only good, they were just flatly amazingly wonderful, and I went up to the front table and was enraptured by their music for the first set--all completely acoustic, no speakers, no amplifiers, just their own beautiful natural selves projecting out to lucky me at the front table.

At the end of the night, the tavern owner managed to get tem amplified, but the system was less than perfect, so for me, who had heard them in their best, I was not so impressed---but even so they were still great.

I congratulated them at the end of their second set and asked them if they had a place to stay --of which they said they were going to look for a campground. Naturally I invited them to stay at our house, being Ruth is off away doing one of her workshops. But even if Ruth had heard them she would have invited them home to.

So they are www.trapdoorband.com  and below are some pictures...

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1. Find the real cat. 2. Who da cat? 3. Alex and Matt of the Trapdoor Band.   4. Alex and Matt again. 5. Matt, Alex and Keri. 6. Detail

Sept 16

7:42 AM    Ugh. I have been up since 7 when the puppy Gina began wiggling around. Time for a pee. I took her to the door where I was greeted by Lucy, our neighbors labrador who now would rather be at our house. She is a puppy too, but about 8 months old. Gina now just 3 months.

Gina was a gift from a friend, that is getting to be fairly expensive. So far she has cost $350 in veterinary  bills. She picked up an intestinal infection, probably from  drinking the soup out of the duck pond. By the time I pay for her vaccinations and neuter bill she is getting up into the pedigreed price range. Oh well...she's a cute little expense. Hopefully she will be at least half the pal Flat Tire was. It has now been over a year since the best dog I ever had disappeared.

It may sound odd, but if there is some kind of  last reckoning at ones death, I hope I get to be with all of the dogs I have loved in my life, just one big dog party for a moment. I miss them all.

Sept. 14

Have a very nice Sunday.

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1. Gina the puppy recuperating at the local spa. 2. The local Spa.

Sept. 12

Holy Shit, Hurricane Ike is helping my general paranoia and if that is not nuts enough, Gina the puppy, got incredibly sick again yesterday---perhaps due to excess of party food---I don't know, but it was worrisome. Today after an extra dose of her medicine from the Vet, she seems to be okay again.

I must concentrate on GOOD VIBRATIONS as all of these weird dimensions of negativity are maddening, even if they add to the fiction of my writing (Assassin---which is in concluding pages before the third book of the trilogy begins).

Sept. 11

Four days since our "BIRTHDAY BASH" and I can't say I feel my usual energy, in fact I feel fairly depleted yet and if it was possible, I would just as soon lay on a wonderful beach somewhere...

...well, you might say that is not impossible, and it isn't, but there is still this little world we call home, and as usual there are many many chores to do as well as normal maintenance, of which, one thing at a time I check  off the list.

Completion ETA, possibly 2013, just after the world has come to the END, according to some END TIME enthusiasts... www.endoftime2012.com 

A funny thing. Back in 1976, I was writing a kind of science fiction short story, about there being a black hole frozen under the Artic circle, of which some shanigans of mankind caused the polar cap to melt and  guess what? Bingo, you got it, the world was swallowed by its own ass hole...

Well...I don't know, but between global warming, END TIME proponents, and now these guys who are crashing protons in head-on collisions, (hence, one theory is it will begin a baby black hole which will come to maturity in approximately 2012 )  I am beginning to think I shouldn't have written that story, as there are also some people who believe one can actually create the future by scribbling things down in very obscure notebooks, that no one reads.

All in all, I would rather be on a beach worrying about skin cancer.

Sept. 10

Assassin

I heard a celestial chorus chant out in almost a whisper, "No fool like an old fool."

She put her delicate hands down on the rock she was sitting on.  Her eyes searched up the valley towards Mount D'Oro. The rush of river water roared as I saw myself in stark clarity. My dignity fell down a long staircase and crashed on the concrete floor of my soul. What was I thinking? Yup, a dunce again with cock-brains in the driver's seat.

I had to swallow the bitter gag of my fucked up delusion. Let it go, let it go, ran around in my head. How many times would I have to learn I was never in control of what life brought me, but only got through the insanity of happenstance by sheer luck. It is all a dream--- so the old ones say and now more than ever I was beginning to believe their wisdom. Let it go. Go crazy or  hang on until a new day and I am reborn in the world. Let it go.

Let go of a mythology. My soul would not be saved by the pursuit of the sacred garden. To roll in the flesh of abandonment was just another fucking illusion, no different than me saving my country behind the trigger of a full automatic M-16. How many lies would I continue to follow?

I diverted my attention to the ripples of the river as it passed my little world on its way to the mother sea. I watched the waters of the Corsican mountains that had witnessed my heart tear itself to shreds more than once. Like God, the river brought love then took it away---the idea, love, indeed was only an idea. Let it go and be alive, just alive, like the moment the mortars came down and tore my buddies to shreds, tore holes in my mind and the Med-Evacs came in making their sing-song beat of life, and I screamed, "I want to be alive--get me out of this death!" And there was my guardian angel, Neil, the war correspondent accidentally caught up in the war machine---his arms holding my broken soul as he jammed our bodies into the last space of a blood soaked floor, and the chopper lifted us out of madness that had no end. I kept screaming, I want to be alive, I want to be alive.

I watched the river feeling shame and redemption. My mind chanted the only thing that made sense, let it go--be alive.

I sat silent, chagrined, stupidly embarrassed of my idiotic neurosis, of women, of sex, of suicide, of being a pathetic man who forgot how to be a man, be a father, be anything that believed in anything. And that was the problem. I had lost my way, somewhere way back in time, to be able to believe. Somehow, some way, some time on one day, I had chosen to accept to be alive was a a lie. Now, I remembered even if it was a lie, on the day it was almost gone, I wanted the lie to continue. I wanted to be alive, not dead.

What in the hell was I doing? My worship of sex, my lust was insanity, as much as me worshipping God or the Devil.

Okay laugh if you want, or agree I was pathetic. The perpetual pursuit of pussy was the game I could not stop. Me, looking for the magic woman, one that had all of everything. Each time it was the same...maybe this one has the the combination to the secret of truth...maybe this one is the answer...maybe this one will take my soul and save it. Some dudes went to hard drugs after Nam. I went for women. What ever you hold in your hand as the way to the truth, is a drug. The only truth is truth itself, and when you see it most often it hurts. I was seeing truth for the first time since when? But all the same, it hurt.

I often knew I was temporarily insane, but I never believed it was a permanent condition. That was a lie I chose to believe. Finally, yes finally I saw myself and God-dammit, I am insane. When was I not?

I'm not saying Yokomi didn't look just as lovely in her well-chosen garments---they were the clothes of an international Gypsy---the vagabond from India---the beach bum from California to Thailand---not corporate executive---no, they spoke the soul of ethnic cultural corridors---all that.

She was someone who had gone on the fast ride that suddenly come to a screeching stop.

Somehow I felt what I saw of her was just a mind trip through my head, a path through a thousand steps of bouncing betties. All that and had not even mumbled one word of foreplay, tease, chat-up, smooth-talk, call it what you want.

I had definitely played cool except for the blunder of questioning romance. Was there romance there? Who knows?

Anyhow, how many times do I have to get my heart ripped out?

TO BE CONTINUED

Sept. 9

I can't help but think Ruth and I have a blessed life. The weather for the party was nothing short of ideal and the last of the guests left around midnight. It was all in all a fantastic event and we could have not been happier with the outcome...

A day after the PARTY, in fact 24 hours later, at around 4:00PM (when the party started  yesterday) the sky cracked and an amazing hail storm came down and went on for nearly an hour. By the time it quit, the yard was covered in two inches of ice, the awnings were torn down and basically the whole party area was a wreck.

 Had that happened yesterday, our BIG BASH would have been a BIG WASHOUT.

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1. The hail storm after three minutes. 2. 30 minutes later. 3. The porch. 4. The yard. 5. The fire pit. 6.Two inches of ice. 7. More ice. 8. Gina sees winter for the first time. 9. Gina not so sure what to do. 10. She finally explores the disaster area.

Sept. 8

In short, the party was just plain fun and of course  a party is never a really good party without a full moon.

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1. Ruth Rules. 2. Guests know where they are. 3. Sister Karen. 4. Armando. 5. Chrissie Ken. 6. Ken Splits Watermelon. 7. Dwight and Girls. 8. Girls and Dwight.  9. Chrissie, Ken  and Armando. 10. Again. 11. Ken. 12. K and A. 13. Eve and Geno. 14. Armando. 15. Craig. 16. Sisters, Ashley, Shannon, Rowan. 17. A, S, R and Chrissie. 18. Eve attacks Ken. 19.  The Beginning. 20. The End.

September 7

PARTY DAY!

6:50 AM

WOW, after all these months of thinking about having this big double bash birthday party day, here it is  and we still have not got everything done...but this is what it looked like this morning  when the puppy Gina got me out of bed...and if everything goes to plan 40 to 50 guests will be here by 4 PM as will Peter Mahl's jazz band, Len Self's catering and a whole bunch of money will be guzzzled down the throats of all.

I tried to talk Ruth out of doing it but she said, "It's my party and I can have  it if I want it!" 

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1.  One of the outside table areas .  2. The yard without construction junk everywhere.    3.  Ruth's tiled bath wall she worked like crazy finishing.

Sept. 6   The thing is I just don't have too much to say one way or the other at the moment, but I have got in the habit of posting thingme's whether it has any thing to do with something or not...

ASSASSIN UPDATE

The moon was full and stars burned on the ragged outline of the river trees. Slowly the guests began cleaning up and gathering their belongings. The conclusion wheel was in motion...

Jean Simon was a slow hand at the game of love, slow like a fox watching the rabbit hole, so he apologized and made an excuse about theater rehearsals. Sly he was, and in a by the way fashion, he made  a date with the Australian. She was more than keen to jump into the velvet trap.

Yokomi looked at me as she got up to leave with Sophie. Erik had disappeared with my daughter, and she was in no mood to hang around.  I looked at Yokomi and tried to think of some line I could use, but before I opened my mouth she put her hand on my sleeve and said, "I will be completely free for the next few days. Perhaps we can meet again."

"Free?" I said.  I couldn't stop myself. "Great! I'm going camping with Tara. Why don't you come with us?"

Her eyes gave instant confirmation, not so inscrutable for once. In the back of my mind I instantly understood revenge was in play but didn't care when she said, "Sure, why not?" It was arranged we would pick her up in the morning, one happy family into the Restonica.

As soon as she left with Sophie, Tara came to me and said, "How can you do this to me?" I recognized the same pissed off demeanor as her mother I had seen a thousand times when I had come home drunk, smelling of beer joints, marijuana and body fluids. "I just don't believe you can be so insensitive---you are the most selfish person. All you do is think of yourself!"

I wanted to remind her she had been flirting with Yokomi's boy toy all night but instead I tried to put my arm around her and say that I wasn't drunk, nor was I with her mother any longer and in fact that I had a life which would be occasionally nice to experience.

"Don't touch me," she screamed and then stomped off to her sleeping quarters in Eloise's house.

I was stunned by what had just happened, both elated and slapped in the face. Only a moment before the Oriental Beauty had been radiant with possibilities and now my only child treated me like a brutish pig. I had killed her teddy bear. I went to bed with alternate flashes of Yokomi's allure or the betrayal my daughter---like being caught between two lovers. I felt miserable, not wanting to lose the trust of Tara, but even though I hardly knew Yokomi, I  didn't want to give up the chance of being next to her again---whatever it may come to...

I couldn't sleep all night and at dawn I was looking through the windows at the morning sky. There had to be some kind of compromise. I went to Tara's room and gently knocked on the door before opening it. She was sound asleep. I sat down on the bed next to her and eyes opened.

"Let's make a deal. Two days Yokomi comes with us then we'll bring her back...okay?

Tara stared at me for a long moment. "Only two days?" she said.

"Yeah, two days, I promise, okay?"

"Okay," she said, not sounding any happier.

*

I nearly changed my mind about taking Yokomi, seeing the difficulty with Tara. She wanted me without sharing unless it was her mother. Yokomi would understand. She was very astute.

Yet,  I did not want to lose the chance to be with her again.  Where the hell could all of this go?  I mean, she would be sharing the tent with me and my daughter and no way I was going to be some kind of weirdo. But the other side of it was my grown-up little girl was being a selfish brat. If I gave in to her this time, when would she ever release me to be myself? Oh yeah, that was my prehistoric prick brain still in the driver's  seat. It still had the agenda of conquest no matter what my rational brain was saying.

I hoped the situation would resolve itself and all would be forgotten by the time we loaded the car. So off we went to mountains. It started off okay with Tara actually talking in a positive way to Yokomi. I kept quiet. They seemed very amiable so everything was cool---that is until I stopped at a cafe in  the mountain village of Vavario. Tara and I had been there many times before when we lived on the island and I was with Leila. It was not a good idea. I felt a bucket of ice water fall on the warm day. Tara went silent, so silent it was obvious to Yokomi.

When we got to the Restonica Gorge we looked for a place to go swimming. Tara said she was going for a walk along the river banks and left. It was the first chance for Yokomi and I to be alone together since the night before. I could feel her discomfort.

"I am sorry Yokomi," I began, "I almost said to you this morning it was a bad idea about you coming...I mean, look, this has nothing to do with you. Tara is just having a hard time accepting her mother and I..."

"Yes, I can see that. Maybe I should get a bus and return to Ajaccio."

"Oh no, you are not going anywhere but with us hiking into the mountains and  nice restaurants in town and whatever else we can find together..." I stumbled along being a master of blundering. "I mean look, can I be honest with you."

Yokomi gave me the inscrutable gaze and said, "Sure. tell me what you want."

"Well, first of all it is not about you. Tara would be acting the same no matter what woman was next to me. But she will just have to get over being this way." There was a question mark in Yokomi's eyes, so I continued. "You know I have done everything she has wanted---we have gone to the beaches and shopping, running her here and there, buying whatever she wanted. I have wanted to do that for her to make up for the times we were so poor,  But she has had me at her service for weeks and when I tell her I want to do something for myself for a few days she blows a gasket. Is that fair?"

Yokomi looked at me for a long moment. "No it is not fair, but she is your daughter. "

"She is a grown woman and she has her life. I would like to have a little bit of my life too.  I want you to be here. She will get over this. It is not good for her to hang onto the past that is gone...what can I say?" I did not know where to go with what I was saying. "I know too well about memories destroying your life. I would for once like to live in the present."

Yokomi looked at me for another long frozen moment. Something uncertain was in her mind.

"I'm not sure how to say this---I can only say it, but the friendship we got started won't change---whatever---ah shit---what I want to ask is just the fantasy of an old man, but is there anything remotely possible about romance with us or is this...ah crap---there it is, the straw that breaks the camels back."

Yokomi looked embarrassed, turning her face away from me she said, "I have had a relationship with an older man. It was special but something I do not want to do again."

I heard a celestial chorus chant out in almost a whisper, "No fool like an old fool."

She put her delicate hands down on the rock she was sitting on.  Her eyes searched up the valley towards Mount D'Oro. The rush of river water roared as I saw myself in stark clarity. My dignity fell down a long staircase and crashed on the concrete floor of my soul. What was I thinking? Yup, a dunce again with cock-brains in the driver's seat.

Sept. 4  Remind me the next time I agree to anything that is hard work, to on vacation instead. At the moment everything hurts and that seems to b the only effect  result from the hard work...all of this is for the BIG BASH Ruth and I are having this coming Sunday.

How many times have I said I am getting hysterical? Well, it is no longer GETTING. I am there.