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A carefree time...
Ruth and I stayed home for New years Eve, ate the delicious Chicken cacciatore and drank some good champagne and I went to bed at 10:30, while Ruth finished a movie just before midnight.
Yep, we're getting old and comfortable in our ways...
A poem from Corsica 1985
so how long do you, I we, live before we live our lie or believe our lie or worse lie to our lie, or do some of us ever make a grain of truth on the mountain of time or are we forever caught
THE HIPPIE BRIGADE
with nylon backpacks and organic thumbs searching a new skyway boardwalk of borderline rhyme
That's it over again thank heavens for another year and now just the rap of New Year to see if we can get through unscathed...
...and on we go to 2011 to see what crazy worlds will collide...
Another thought about Facebook: why do I suddenly care what the hell the daily rounds are of 20 or 30 people I do not know at all, but are on my "friend" list, and they know nothing of me?
Facebook has some value in that old friends are accessible, but it is necessary to monitor input and especially be suspicious of the EGO factor...you know, wow, I am famous look how many friends I have, etc, etc...
My alter ego got out of the box last night and I played old Molly at the local beer joint...Ruth reminded me this morning I am no longer 30 and should hang with more mature people...hmmm, and I sometimes wonder what happened to me when I fell on my head as a child...
My old nemesis Vincent is out in the cold yet, but he too is hoping this coming year will be a little happier for everybody.
Who ever you are, try to do at least one good thing for somebody else before this year ends.
I have a suggestion:
SEND ME A COUPLE HUNDRED BUCKS!
I've been reading an old journal from Corsica the first winter I was there with my family and somehow it reminded me of Hemingway's "Moveable Feast" and the stories of his first wife and child and their time up in the Alps...very nostalgic, lonely and sad, sometimes to retrieve stories that leave a bitter taste...but hey, life goes on despite how stupid we are. Hemingway was certainly proof of that and so am I.
...and now at this junction in life, I can't really say I am much smarter, but the lesson is that one will get through the most desperate of times...
It is the eve of Ruth's father dying one year ago. This Christmas sure is better than last, and if you don't believe me check last years blog...
Anyway, someone sent me a list last year which is worth repeating:
The best advice and wisdom given...from a Rabbi's Yom Kippur Speech.
that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
that it is taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
that you can keep going long after you can't.
that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.
that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.
that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
that your family won't always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren't biological.
that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
that no matter how badly your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.
Ice Window Crystal
Hmmm, yep winter is here and we are warm in the house with no plans but staying warm.
Winter has finally arrived in a very gentle way, being even though snowing it is 40 degrees outside...nothing like what the Midwest went through in the last few days.
Years ago I was touring the Midwest during the winter in my 1977 Dodge Van and survived 7 separate blizzards. I swore never to do such foolish thing again. I have never been more terrified in my life...the problem was not my ability or the merits of my old vehicle, but the lunatic truckers that would be inches from my ass, or pass me on a two lane highway in complete white-outs.
This morning I went through a small box that for many years I have put peoples business cards in and of course discovered I didn't know two-thirds of who or what they were...so now my garbage can is full of small cards that will be in the county dump this afternoon.
For some other reason I have got pulled into the Facebook phenomena and spend a few minutes every day seeing what my "friends" are doing...hmmm, most of my life I could give a big flat flying F*%k what most people do and I guess that has not changed...and in fact once again I question why I babble at all on this page.
As always, pieces of my art get recycled. A "WIND HORSE" from a couple of years ago started to fall apart out in the yard, so I brought it in and covered areas with a "metal" improvision.
...and the cats often get involved in the process...
Having a little fun thinking about the old days when I thought music was my path...
It is just a fantasy to put in my head box along with a dozen others...
...and that is little Graffitus Melon Pig on the hood of my old 1947 school bus home I lived in up at Moonstone Heights with my mentor Mel Flemming.
Hsppy New Year Everyone? (on the Santa photo above)...
Hmm, I think it is a Zen greeting.
This time last year, life around this house was getting very intense and not because Xmas was approaching...Ruth's father was in the last ten days of his life, and our dog Gina Lola Brigida had suddenly disappeared.
It was not a happy time.
Well, all things must pass, so Papa Aber went and Gina returned with a crushed hip. And that was just the beginning of holiday cheer.
This year, I am making a silent vigil and hoping it will be a little bit more merry. graffiti
So that is that. Santa and his reindeer including Rudolph are up and flying each night in blazing lights.
Now I have to figure out what to do with all the spare time...
Along the way I discovered a great use of an old baby cart I found down at the river...the baby was no where around so I figured I could take it away.
Ruth asked me if the Santa and Reindeer was for sale and I said why not, etc. etc.
But considering the amount of time I have put into them, let alone the kind of unique wood pieces they were made from, I seriously doubt if anyone can afford them except Hollywood millionaires and I have not seen too many of that type around here lately...eh, though the occasional money plunker does drop a note or two.
So said, if you've got 3 G's take'em away at your pleasure and I do mean you cause I'm not crawling back up the fence again.
Hey, I'm practically giving them away.
Glorious weather prevails, although yesterday hanging the XMAS decor, I was cursing the universe for sending gusting winds that kept blowing me and ladder into acrobatic spins...and once again I marveled at my ability to rail at the world with no affect.
Today is the day I put the refurbished reindeer and Santa back up on the fence and also try to get them strung with lights...that is if my back holds up.
I did something serious to it when I was building the rock wall last month.
I guess I thought I could still lift 100 lbs. up to my shoulders like I could when I was twenty...oooppps. Not so.
Every once in a while I realize I am a complete waste of time and I should do something about it...so today, I am going to do something.
Well, I will continue my reindeer therapy and go back on the wagon of sobriety just for the fun of it. I don't know that it will stop me from being a waste of time but at least it's cheaper...
Thursday Dec. 2
Yes, I know they look like Praying Mantis doing a love dance. but they are two of the 9 reindeer I am refurbishing for the season to be jolly ho ho ho....
Wednesday Dec. 1
Today is my daughter Rowan's 33rd birthday, the same age as me when she was born...
In Lubeck Germany 1978
Isle Of Arran, Scotland 1979
Hamburg, Germany 1979
Fred's reply to my resignation:
"Be not a-feared," as Prospero said.
Your main focus has been art, as you say, w/ music as a sideline. Which is one thing I've always loved about hanging out with you. Frankly, I have come to see the world differently having looked at it through your eyes as we traveled about together and you pointed things out to me (and also Graffitus Melon Pig, but he was ignoring you and looking for the next big dog to pick a fight with).
But you always handled the guitar well, esp. as a rhythm instrument, and I always admired your singing voice. You sing right on pitch, and have a really good natural voice for folk/country/blues songs.
Besides, even if a revived music career is not what you have in mind, you can be useful to the New [Improved! As seen on TV!] Olde Gazonenblatt Revue, in many many ways, such as:
1. Tote the heavy equipment.
2. Sell the T-shirts and action figures at venues.
3. Get contact info. from groupies and party girls.
4. Drive the tour bus while Jim and I sleep (hopefully w/ a few groupies).
5. Fill out the income tax forms.
6. Hassle with the police.
7. Make sure the promoter doesn't rip us off.
8. Keep Jim under control.
9. Help me remember where I put my Viagra.
10. Clean up the hotel room after our wild parties.
... and more!!!
Or we would you rather be onstage with us and let somebody else do that other shit?
This is a letter I had to send to my two old musical compradres, Fred and Jim:
Obviously the serendipity resurrection of an old ambition (music) for me has provoked a lot of thought in many directions or at least two...one: hey yeah I wanna do it--yippee what fun, two: am I fuck'n nuts, why would I wanna do that?
And then the strange realistic response from you Fred, (your reputation as a serious artist, serious intellectual, serious minister at stake) also made me think: Hey are these guys actually serious about anything really happening other than getting together one or two times, drink some beer, play some tunes and pull up old times when we were young and HOT????
The reality is we are all over the hill technically, with a very marginal possibility of one last swan song....
I am referring to the THREE of us, not each one individually, because each has our own path and talent and that will take us to where we are supposed to be by the time we croak.
You two guys actually are MUSICIANS, while at best I am a hillbilly who gets drunk bangs and yowls and for some unknown reason you both thought it sounded like music and for a while (about three years in my young life) I too believed I was doing music and tried to get on the fantasy train to stardom.
In truth, music has put me into many happy and amazing times in life, but in the end I have had to accept music is not my destiny nor innate gift of talent. It has just been a "party trick" I could pull out of the bag when I was in the mood (usually under the influence of whacky-backy or booze) and the next day always wondered why I embarrass my self so much...
I just wanted to say this. It does not mean I am pulling out of this opportunity to revive a session or two, but do not get too "serious" about my contribution (musically). Maybe my role will be just to create art work for your albums or perhaps a weird lyric or two.
Both of you however are musicians at heart and always will be, aside from all the other aspects of your creative beings.
And with that I add a Zen ponderation I wrote in Corsica 1986.
The hollow valley still lies in the mist
a stranger waits on the hill
and sees a vague outline of distant mountains
but he is too weary to move
and too careless to love the mist
Have a very happy New Year and will call both of you soon. Ken
Well, uh huh, there have been a few hiccups in the the regathering of the GAZORNENBLATT REVIEW but then there is a history of that going back to our breakup on the eve of being world famous...but the condition has been soothed and we are ready to sign with blood on Lucifer's contract and go forward into the brave new Gazornen...
Figuring the number of women who unceremoniosly dumped us, I suggest our first album cover from above entitling it:
WOMEN WITH BALLS.
What do you think?
Yestreday an email from Jim Hamilton to Fred Baue and me:
I want to go forward with you and I know we will do something great and profitable. Please lets get the business out of the way so we can confidently lend our best efforts to the music and success of all. If we can agree on equal shares of our endeavor (33.1/3%). I am ready to go balls to the wall. I will explain when I have reply. I did not realize there was the potential until I worked with the stuff a little bit and oh boy I see some good good future here. Now one gets hurt. So many efforts get screwed up by bad feelings when the checks come. Lets just put the business behind and go forward it won't cost anybody anything and we all will profit.
The New Gazornenblatt Review members agree to 33.1/3% or 1/3 shares each of all combined performance and recorded sales profits and future royalties of all creative products. Music, CD Sales, Action Figures etc..
Signed -------------------------------------- This date-----------------,2010
Signed--------------------------------------- This date-----------------,2010
Signed---------------------------------------- This date
I emailed Jim back and made a plan to sign this new partnership electronically...wow I am amazed he is so enthusiastic about our old band again...
Tonight I read my zen buddhist buddy Barry Graham's blog and this is it:
Ruth's Xmas card
I have done my XMAS shopping. How about you?
It is always a kind of marvel to think about how Christmas was when one was a child and know that was a precious place (for the lucky ones of us) and at least we had that gift. I am sure there are far more people than I want to think about that have no precious moments to hold in their memories.
A poem from years ago when I lived in Scotland--written one lonely afternoon in Henderson's restaurant
FACES AND HANDS
in the room
mixed bag potential
a reoccurring interest
in how they work
what they look like
yawn and gap
faces beautiful young
lines of fear
worry or age
flutter over piano keys
point out details
grasp mugs of beer
reflected on burred
put the tattered glass
on the wall
pulled down lips
fully aware how
eyes reach across tables
trying to find
my private part
hands and faces
with souls inbetween
...and here is the proof...
To answer my own question of why I bother writing words that who in the hell reads them, is this: I always wondered what my old man thought about during his long life, and unfortunatley he left no written record behind that I know of, and I only had a couple of years as a semi-thinking adult to hear what he said before he died. So I have a daughter and soon I hope a grandchild is supposed to surface, June 15...so maybe that is part of this self indulgent gobbledeegook.
The thing about the web site BLOG is so different from what I used to write in my journals, mainly because the self-imposed edit is always a factor, knowing that anyone can read my secrets...and of that I am not sure if it is the better or worse for the history of me.
Truthfully, I am glad to keep the shadow-junk of me to myself.
Shelly and her pals serenaded Gypsy Plaza yesterday.
...ahh yes to be young with all those crazy aspirattions...
...and in the making of art around here there is always a cat or two...
If my back holds up, all I have left to do is finish putting the lights on sometime today, plus a few screws just to keep the deer from blowing sideways...
The beginning of another XMAS THINGME SEASON
...of which I like less every year except for making the crazy stuff on my fence...